Asoko Sohryu Langley
by Ukyou Kuonji
Summary: New arrival Asuka is given a nickname by her classmates, and she isn't too thrilled about it... even less so when she finds out what it *really* means...


All I ever knew about Evangelion, I learned from reading fanfiction...  
  
So I've got no business doing this.  
  
But it's too damn good to pass up.  
  
==========  
  
SLAM!!  
  
Ooooh... I *wish* she wouldn't do that. Especially after a night   
like last night Hangovers are supposed to go away after a few hours,   
but Misato's had been hanging on all day, or so it seemed, if Asuka   
was already home from school. Of course, Misato had consumed enough   
'hair of the dog' throughout the day to account for a good-sized   
litter.  
  
Best to try to put on a happy face, though. If that slam meant   
anything, it was that Asuka was mad. And if Asuka was mad, well...   
things would be getting pretty noisy soon. And noise was the *last*   
thing Misato needed about now. She drew a deep breath as she stood   
up, and prepared to walk into the apartment's kitchen.  
  
"Okaeri nasai, Asuka-chan!"  
  
The redhead whirled violently on Misato, who cringed in pain as Asuka   
screamed at her. "Don't you DARE call me that again! EVER!!"  
  
-----------------  
ASOKO LANGLEY SOHRYU  
an Evangelion spamfic (with a twist of lime)  
by Ukyou Kuonji  
-----------------  
  
Misato was sipping, reluctantly, at a chocolate milk that Asuka had   
prepared for her as a peace offering. After peeling her NERV-  
appointed guardian off the floor, Asuka realized that Misato had   
actually said her proper name and not shudder...  
  
"A nickname, huh?" The redhead nodded sullenly while Misato stared in   
slight surprise at her drink. Huh. Damn thing really works. She   
peered at Asuka, wondering how on earth she'd known this was such a   
hangover remedy at her tender age. She sighed. "Kids can be so cruel   
sometimes, especially when they're dealing with someone who's...   
different..."  
  
"Tell me about it... and they *have* to pick on me just 'cause I'm a   
'gaijin' or whatever-the-hell it is, and my name sounds like that.   
I mean, really, if someone deserves to be called 'It', it should be   
Shinji. Commander Ikari treats him like an object, after all, and   
he's his *father*..."  
  
Misato arched an eyebrow. "Commander Ikari treats *everyone* like   
objects, Asuka. Shinji just stands out because, as his son, he's the   
one person the Commander *shouldn't* treat that way. But," and she   
shrugged, "there *are* extenuating circumstances, after all..."  
  
"Yeah, like Gendo being a prime bastard..."  
  
A small smile began to form on Misato's pained face, mirroring   
Asuka's. "Yes, well... that too." Then, she caught herself. "Did   
you say... 'it'? That's what they called you?"  
  
"Well, yeah. Asoko. That's what the kids started calling me today.   
Means 'it' or 'thing', doesn't it?" A sweatdrop formed on the back   
of Misato's neck as Asuka continued. "I mean, come on, *Wondergirl's*   
a goddam thing, I tell ya..."  
  
"Umm, Asuka?"  
  
"...Flat as a board, no emotions... the kid's not human."  
  
"Asuka?"  
  
"I'll bet she isn't even a she... nothing there but 'Made in Japan'   
stamped on her butt like a stupid Barbie doll, only uglier."  
  
"Asuka!" Misato brought a hand to her forehead as the noise rang in   
her ears. Noise *she* had created. "I don't think 'asoko' means what   
you think it means..." She could feel her face begin to flush, and   
wondered if Asuka suspected anything.  
  
"Huh? Well, that's what that geek Kensuke told me it meant. He   
seemed nice enough... not the sort to lie about something like   
that..." She pondered Kensuke's expression as he had explained the   
definition to her. "Maybe he was, though... he certainly couldn't   
look me in the eye... and his face was kinda... well, like yours,   
Misato."  
  
The NERV lieutenant blinked. "Like mine?"  
  
"Yeah, all red and everything. What's going on? Was he lying to me?   
What's it mean?"  
  
"Ah... no, he wasn't lying, not exactly. How to say this...?"  
  
"Geez, just spit it out, already. How bad could it be?" Asuka's   
voice dropped to a low grumble of Germanic oaths as Misato continued   
to puzzle out a suitable explanation.  
  
Finally, with a roll of her eyes and a resigned expression, Misato   
began. "Okay, Kensuke wasn't lying... loosely translated, 'it' or   
'thing' works just fine. It's just... that it's a *particular*   
thing..."  
  
Asuka gave Misato a doubtful look. "A... *particular* thing..."   
she parroted.  
  
"Uh, yeah. Literally, it means... 'down there.' *That* particular   
thing."  
  
Silence.  
  
Absolute, utter silence.  
  
Asuka stared at Misato in disbelief and horror, as the explanation   
sank in, but otherwise, she made neither a move nor a sound.  
  
The part of Misato's brain that was still recovering from the hangover   
had just started congratulating the rest of the organization on a job   
well done when a growl began to rumble from across the table. Every   
functioning synapse grew a sweatdrop as her eyes were riveted   
helplessly on the building volcano.  
  
This was gonna hurt...  
  
"yeeeee-AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGH!! I'M GONNA *KILL* THEM!!!!"   
With a howl that would have drowned out an Angel attack and pierced   
through an AT field, Asuka Langley Sohryu erupted, burying Lt. Misato   
Katsurnagi under countless tons of unfocussed rage before mercifully   
stomping out of the apartment, presumably to wreck holy vengeance   
on the male population of Tokyo-3.  
  
God help us all.  
  
==========  
  
This is the sort of thing that comes to you when you have a reference   
book on Japanese swear words. You just gotta use 'em now and again.  
  
I'm assuming that Asuka's grasp of Japanese isn't perfect when she   
shows up in Tokyo-3, and what with the language being so difficult to   
learn and to relate to for a non-native speaker (ask anyone trying to   
translate manga or anime, why don'tcha), she may have missed some of   
its more, ah, colorful, aspects.  
  
Come to think of it, I hope *I* understood the word properly, or the   
whole thing falls flat. It seems like the sort of things kids might   
do; your typical playground name-calling and all that. And what I've   
read about Asuka suggests that she's quite the tease as it is, so the   
moniker fits her better than would seem at first blush.  
  
Anyway, enough chatter for now. Just proving I'm alive and kicking.   
Till next time, ja!  
  
Itsu mo,  
Ucchan ^_^ 


End file.
